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Hail Commifornia
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http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/04/p...irectly-proportional-to-combat-effectiveness/

Pentagon Study Finds Beards Directly Related To Combat Effectiveness



Tampa, FL – Forget new gear, weapons, or sophisticated targeting systems. The newest tool coming to combat troops is low-tech: beards. In a report released yesterday, research think-tank Xegis Solutions noted that beards have a direct correlation to combat effectiveness.
Jonathon Burns was the lead researcher in the study.
“We took 100 soldiers. 25 were Special Forces qualified and had beards, 25 were Special Forces qualified without beards, 25 were regular Army allowed to grow beards for the study, and the last 25 were regular Army without beards. All 100 of these subjects were in direct combat in Afghanistan during the study.”
He continued, “Xegis Solutions had several teams of researchers embedded with these troops to make observations on their combat effectiveness. The results were overwhelming, out of the 50 soldiers with beards, zero were wounded or killed and they had a significantly higher accuracy of fire than the soldiers without beards. The soldiers lacking beards had a higher rate of weapons malfunctions and basically, **** went wrong most of the time.”
CENTCOM wasted no time establishing a new rule forcing males to grow beards.
Commander Gen. James E. Mattis issued a statement to all troops in combat zones.
“The time has come for the Armed Forces to accept the facts, and the facts are that beards save lives. All this time it was speculated that Green Berets were better because of their superior and intensive training while in fact, most of it had to do with beards.”
There’s no doubt that many in the Special Forces community will be angered, but General Mattis is convinced.
“It’s settled science. In light of this information we will enforce a rule requiring all males to wear at least one inch of facial hair at all times. Furthermore, any females able to grow facial hair are encouraged to do so as well.”
 

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hhahahahahahahahahahaaaa... That means I can beat some tailpipe if I have a fu-manchu right?

I concur with the pentagons findings.
 

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Hiding in plain sight....
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That is hilarious! :D What happens to people like me that grow their beards 'Joe Dirt style'...patchy and pretty much non-existent?
 

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Hail Commifornia
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Discussion Starter #8
What is funny is that I started growing one (which the wife hates) and then for job interviews I shaved it off last night.... Now I want it back!!!!
 

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I grow a beard every winter in an attempt to be "epic beard guy" but it never comes to fruition and gets shaved off around Christmas every year.
 

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You posted this just in time! I was going to shave mine off for the upcoming hot weather! Now I'll have to grow it out into the equivalent of a NIJ Level III plate.
 

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My wife says my beard hides my best features...

What do you guys think...?!

 

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I believe after the summer, we here are going to have a beard growing competition. Maybe we could throw in a free premium membership? What do you all think?
 

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Hail Commifornia
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Discussion Starter #17
You posted this just in time! I was going to shave mine off for the upcoming hot weather! Now I'll have to grow it out into the equivalent of a NIJ Level III plate.
It was too late for me but if I can save one person from going beardless then I have done my job!!!!:D:D:D
 

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Hail Commifornia
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Discussion Starter #18

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I'm always bearded. Must be why I'm do good at Call of Duty! *Sarcam*

I actually don't play call of duty...anymore.
I play battlefield. Hahahaha

I actually had a Mohawk with a sweet beard like Soap from modern warfare or Johnny Messner in "Tears of the sun". Then a coworker told me I looked like a gay mercenary!
 
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