The recoil is more than a .40, but less than a 10mm. It is pushing high velocities, and for someone who (I'm assuming) doesn't shoot powerful calibers often, I wouldn't recommended it. Also, a 31 is very big for anyone to carry, much less a female. It's the same size as the 17, 22, and the 37. Personally, if she just really wants this caliber, I would suggest trying the 32 (compact .357) or even the 33 (sub compact .357) to carry. The 32 is the same size as the 19, 23, and the 38, and the 33 is the size of the 26, 27, and 39. I would just recommend checking out different size frames and calibers and seeing which she is the most comfortable with.