I've had my 21 for three years now and love the recoil. It's pleasant to me. Upgrades are a lightning strike guide rod and spring, and ghost 3.5 lb trigger connector. It is dead on and I absolutely love it. One of my favorite guns to shoot.
If you can control the recoil, there is honestly not that big of a difference from 9mm up to .45 ACP. Once you start getting beyond that, you're going to feel it. One of the best pieces of advice I've gotten for controlling recoil is pushing back with your support hand and pushing forward with your strong hand. Don't try to crush the gun, but just apply some pressure, and man that gun doesn't flip up near as much.
Thanks for the info definitely gnna get it soon than that was actually my first choice but wanted to start off with the 17 instead because the ammo tends to be cheaper but doesn't have the stopping power of the 45